Friday, October 30, 2009

Happy Halloween

Not much to write today, as we are in full Halloween Revelry Mode. For me and my kind, Halloween is the Most Wonderful Time of the Year.

I'm in a happy mood today, with tomorrow being the big day. I already have my costume. I'm a witch. Again.

The dress and boots are the same ones I wore last year. This year I've accessorized with a new hat, some totally awesome stockings and a new familiar, Pookah.

Our Halloween display. The mums are past their prime, tho. Pity.

Pookah and I prepare to work our Halloween magic.

Those of you may remember that I found Pookah last year in the ditch outside my house just four days before I lost my beloved 15-year-old cat Jingles. Now, after taking a year to warm up to me - for cats respect the Official Mourning Period - Pookah is my best buddy.

Halloween is also a great time for humor. This morning I received some of the best Halloween cartoons I've gotten in many months. Enjoy!

This morning my sister sent me this. I love it:

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Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Rapture Denied: Christian Edition of "Going Rogue" won't happen

Supporters of Sarah Palin react outside of the God's Own Baptist Church on Wednesday after learning that Zondervan will not release a Christian edition of Going Rogue after all.

Rev. Doug Pious hugs a member of the Youth Army For God on Wednesday after the child broke down upon learning that Sarah Palin would not be releasing a Christian edition of her memoir.

To my dedicated fundamentalist Christian readers - all two of you - I have disappointing news. That Christian edition of Sarah Palin's Going Rogue you've been waiting for, it ain't gonna happen.

Not since God killed Job's family and sent that faithful servant to sit in the wilderness covered in boils (all to satisfy a bet with the devil) have The Righteous been left asking, "Why, God? Why?"

After all, it would been a holy and joyful experience to see all of Sarah's quotes conveniently highlighted in red and cross-referenced with correlating scriptural text. Verily!

So why the change? Here's the official line:

In an E-mail message today, Campbell said she misspoke. "Zondervan never planned on publishing a separate Christian edition of Going Rogue with supplemental material," she said. "From what I understand, it was misreporting."

That's right. Blame the media. Hey, if it's good enough for Sarah it's good enough for a Christian publishing house.

My take on this is different. I'm thinking the Christian edition may have been scuttled for one of these three reasons:

1. Sarah's narrow appeal. Realizing that the market for the original version of Going Rogue will essentially be the same market as for the Christian version, Zondervan finally admits that given the tight economy, even brain-dead Bible-beaters might be unwilling to buy the same lies twice.

2. The real truth, when it comes out, may damage her with the True Christian™
. Publishers have a lot of people on the inside. They may realize that forthcoming revelations about Sarahs' true character - or lack thereof - may alienate so many of Sarah's True Christian™ followers that they'll abandon her and her book.

3. Sarah has outed herself in Going Rogue. This is a slim possibility but one that bears considering. Sarah can't really believe her lies will hold and may have decided to go ahead and spill the beans herself in Going Rogue with the chapters "OK, you got me. I'm Illiterate," and "Guess who faked a pregnancy? Me." If she did this, then the effect on her True Christian™ base (except the most hardcore among them) will be the same as in Number 2.

As Gryphen over at Immoral Minority has pointed out, the conservative book-buying machine has already made sure that Sarah has gotten hers. Thanks to their mass purchasing scam, the woman who can't admit to having read anything is now a best selling author laughing all the way to the bank as her saintly followers wallow in grief.

But since when has the disappointment of supporters ever really mattered to her? (Right, Alaska?) There's shopping to be done, and those fuck-me-pumps aren't going to buy themselves.

"Sarah, O, Sarah? Why have you forsaken us?" the True Christian™ supporters cry.

To which Sarah responds. "Because it was all about me in the first place. Duh."

Sunday, October 04, 2009

Sarah Palin, author

Seriously people, cut Sarah Palin a break already. All week long I've been reading blogs from people taking potshots at her upcoming book, Going Rogue.

So what if it's full of lies and misspellings and reads like a third-grader's Mad Lib? So what if her ghostwriter is as bat-shit crazy as she is? Those in the literary know understand that Going Rogue isn't even the book that's going to make the big splash for Sarah anyway. She only wrote it because people expected her to write something politicalish. Duh...

No, it's the book she started working on before she wrote Going Rogue - the one that is going to come out on Mother's Day - that's going to finally reveal Sarah Palin as a true expert in something.

Because while Sarah Palin may not know where Russia is or which countries are in NAFTA (who does, right?) she sure as hell knows how to poorly fake a pregnancy. And after reading Your Poorly-Faked Pregnancy, Week-By-Week so will you.

With such informative chapters as "Pillows vs. Empathy Bellies," "Dragging Your kids Into Your Charade," "Paying Off People Who Know With Proceeds From Your First Book," and "Delusional Thinking Is Your Friend," you, too can convince almost anyone (except a few pesky bloggers) that you were actually pregnant.

Bonus chapters in the special "Trig Edition" include where to get a baby at the end of your faked pregnancy. Be sure to read "These Damn Kids Never Listen" and "Fundamentalist Friendly Adoption Scams" for more information.

And be sure to pick up the Christian Edition of Your Poorly-Faked Pregnancy, Week-by-Week with the extra bonus chapter, "Immaculate Conception: Producing a Baby Even Though Todd Hasn't Touched You In Two Years."

So laugh all you want, Sarah haters. You're just mad because you didn't think of it first.