Cheery Volunteer: Good afternoon, Elizabeth Dole Campaign Headquarters.
Me: Hello. I'm an independent voter and I'm calling to verify whether a flyer I received today was endorsed by Mrs. Dole's campaign.
Cheery Volunteer: OK
Me: It says "Godless American pac wants to remove 'under God' from the Pledge of Allegiance and now they want Kay Hagan in the U.S. Senate. Does the Dole campaign support the message of that flyer?
Cheery Volunteer: Yes, it does.
Me: Wow! What a relief! Because I just want you to know that this flyer has helped me make up my mind as an independent voter.
Cheery Volunteer: Really? Thats great!
Me: Yes, because I could never vote for any candidate who would send this kind of nonsensical crap to voters. This is swill. It's fear-mongering swill, and shows the mentality of a candidate and political party that would rather exploit religious differences than address the issues that voters really care about, like this tanking economy. So I'm voting for Kay Hagan.
Cheery Volunteer: What? Uh...I mean...Can I?
Me: No. There's really nothing you can do, unless you want to advise your candidate to stop letting fringe elements run her campaign. It's a real turn-off to us independents. Everybody loves to say "God Bless America," but it's been said God helps those who help themselves. If Senator Dole wants to do something truly righteous, maybe she could start with doing her job because it sure looks like she and her colleagues have been asleep at the switch. Thanks for your time, and have a good day.