Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Not so original after all....

Don't you just hate it when you have this really brilliant idea and before you can do something with it you find out that someone already has?

When I saw McCain's Vagina interviewed by Katie Couric, my first impression was WTF? My second was, "Hey, she reminds me of someone? But who?" 

Then two questions later I knew. McCain's Vagina reminded me of Miss South Carolina 2007, also known as the Such-As-Maps Girl. 

Tonight I was going to sit down and do a montage of Miss South Carolina and Sarah Palin, but when I went to YouTube to get footage of them guess what I found? No, go on. Guess. 

That's right. Someone had already beat me to the punch. 

At first I was bummed. But then I thought, "Hey, if someone else had this idea it means that lots of people have, which means that more people are catching on to the fact that the woman McCain chose to be second in line to the presidency bears a strong intellectual resemblance to an idiot beauty queen who can't answer a simple question.


Monday, September 29, 2008

Thanks for the traffic, Nate

And thanks for the picture, too.

In the future, if you want readers to be "discreet" then spell it right, Ass Hat.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Was it just me...

....or did McCain come across during last night's debate as the grumpy neighbor who was going to just lose it if those goddamned kids threw their frisbee in his yard one more time? 

I thought Obama came across as reasoned and reasonable, and treated McCain as any polite young man would treat a cranky senior who insisted on calling him a whippersnapper while recalling how he had to trudge five miles through the snow to go to school. Only instead of "whippersnapper," McCain used he word "naive" and instead of snow he made reference to his days as a POW. (Because, you know, he's really the only one who's ever fought for you....)

I was really surprised to see the pundits giving such McCain high marks after the debate, and it's not just because I don't want to see McCain and his Vagina win the election. I have to wonder if the media is just being kind because they know that the vice presidential debate is going to be so disastrous for McCain's Vagina that they'll be accused of Liberal Favoritism for calling it correctly. Well, all except for Fox News, which will declare victory for Sarah Palin even if Bristol breaks down halfway through the event and runs across the stage screaming, "Mama, give me back my baby!" 

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Preacher touches McCain's Vagina

Thanks to Audrey over at Sarah Palin's Lies for alerting me to this video. Move it ahead and about seven minutes in you'll see Kenyan Witch-Hunter and  True Christian™ Thomas Muthee praying over the woman McCain has tapped to be second in command, should he and his herd of melanomas make it into the Oval Office.

I'm not sure how this video will play with the GOP. There's sure to be a conflict among some on the Christian Right when they see a black man putting his hands all over McCain's Wholesome White Vagina. Muthee even went all the way and anointed her, which is apparently what they call putting a woman in raptures when God says it's OK.

As I've said before, I know you crazy right-wingers still read over here and I invite you to either post or email me privately and tell me how this isn't completely insane. I dare you. I dee-double-dare you. But I won't expect a response. There's no way any of you can defend something you secretly know is just plain nuts.

Oh, and for those of you still pretending to back Palin for her political acumen, I have a question for you: Does being spiritually groped by the head of a Kenyan witch-hunting cult count as foreign policy experience?

For more on this video, go to this piece on the Huffington Post.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Goodbye, Bane...

Bane of Bane Rants is dead. And apparently, this time, he's not faking it.

Over the past few years Bane and I shared four civil messages - one each left on our respective blogs and the other two via private email. All had to do with our kids, both of us being the parents of a special needs child.

Our other exchanges were all Slash and Burn and I thoroughly enjoyed ever moment of our verbal battles, especially since he got so delightfully wound up.

Bane was a paradox, and no matter what one thought of his personal writing style, his blog always made for an interesting read because of the man behind the words. He was tortured, spiteful, hateful and small-minded, but also content, loyal, big-hearted and introspective. And never, ever have I seen someone balance insecurity and egotism so well in one space.

I will miss Bane's schizophrenic nature, but not as much as I'll miss his honesty. Poor health forced him to ponder his own mortality and he did this publicly and often in a raw, emotional way that was beautiful and painful to behold. 

His family was his pride, and if he had one fear it was how they would fare without him. I hope they will all be fine, and my sincerest condolences go out to "the wife," Nat and Johnny during this difficult time.

I'm sure he'd appreciate knowing that, given how much the guy loved Hippies....

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Saturday horse show

In a word, it was awesome. Alex and I took home five ribbons between us, including a surprise second-place ribbon for me and Duchess!

But the sense of accomplishment I brought home from coming back from my accident to ride competitively was even more satisfying.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

And then it just got weird....

When I sat down to write this post this morning, I thought of ways I could frame it in an amusing fashion. But then I realized the topic needed no help. Sarah Palin is now officially funnier than any joke about her could possibly be.

Apparently, McCain's Vagina says prayer led to her gubernatorial victory, but not just any prayer. The prayer she credits for winning her Alaska's top political post came from a Kenyan Witch Hunter named Thomas Muthee.

The pastor whose prayer Sarah Palin says helped her to become governor of Alaska founded his ministry with a witchhunt against a Kenyan woman who he accused of causing car accidents through demonic spells.

In the first portion of this YouTube video, you can listen to McCain's Vagina tell her fellow wing-nut church members how Muthee laid hands on her and prayed:

Oh boy....

The UK Times article is full of other really interesting stuff about Muthee, including how he brilliantly linked the close proximity of a fortune teller called Mama Jane to the site of several fatal car crashes, thereby deducing that witchcraft and not, say, bad driving, was to blame for the deaths.

Now, I know I still have fundamentalist Christian readers here. And I know they think I'm picking on them and their crazy-ass brethren, which I am. But take heart; regardless of what they think of me, they're going to love the way this story ends:

According to accounts of the witchhunt circulated on evangelical websites such as Prayer Links Ministries, after Pastor Muthee declared Mama Jane a witch, the townspeople became suspicious and began to turn on her, demanding that she be stoned. Public outrage eventually led the police to raid her home, where they fired gunshots, killing a pet python which they believed to be a demon.

After Mama Jane was questioned by police – and released – she decided it was time to leave town, the account says.

Whew. That was close. But in the end, the village was shed of both the witch and her Satanic Snake. And all thanks to the holy efforts of the man whose prayers Sarah Palin says put her in the Alaskan governor's chair.

McCain's Vagina is turning out to be a fundamentalist throwback's wet dream. This woman is beyond old-fashioned, she's positively Medieval!

But there is a serious side to all this. Early this morning I found this disturbing photo taken from a McCain/Palin rally:

I don't know why John McCain was wearing the funny hat, but there you go. Look for a similar rally to come to a town near you. And remember, True Christians, if you donate $25 or more at the rally, you'll not only get your own copy of the Malleus Maleficarum but a bottle of holy water drawn from one of Alaska's virgin springs, and by virgin spring we mean one the Palins' teen daughters have not yet used for skinny dipping.

On a serious note, this does not bode well for those of us who are of an Esoteric Bent, spiritually speaking. The fundamentalists here in the U.S. have whipped themselves into such a frenzy of late that they are a hair's breadth away from adopting the same intolerant mob mentality Muthee was able to muster in Kenya.

Perhaps I should start hiding all those unusual bottles of stuff I have sitting around, or at least keep my non-traditional reading material on the shelf with the spines facing backwards. And would anyone like a black cat? I may need to find her a new home. No need to arouse suspicion, especially given that a kid wrecked less than a mile from my house last weekend.

But even if I did try and blend in, would I really be safe? I kind of doubt it. The Witch Hunters are coming, and regardless of what I do, by the time they find me I'll still weigh more than a duck.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Fun with a side of serious

Alex and I have a horse show on Saturday, and yesterday was our last lesson before we compete in our second CCHA event. I'll be jumping a couple of courses competitively at the show, and can only hope it goes better than our last session at the barn.

Even though our instructor assured me I did well, I didn't feel like I did. Duchess was doing her typical Speed Demon thing, and I kept a tighter rein to keep her from rushing the course I was riding. She didn't like that and responded by bucking, which you can see her do about eight seconds into the video. She would have done more of that nonsense if I'd let her, but in order to buck a horse has to be able to get its head down. See how Duchess holds her head so high? It's not her natural head carriage. Her head is high because I'm holding it up to keep her from pitching me off. 

Alex practiced mainly on the flat yesterday. She is getting so, so good. Her hands and seat are so much steadier. I'm really proud of her, especially since riding Stormy is like riding a pogo stick. How she's making it look so easy I'll never know.

And yes, I know the song is a weird choice for the video but I just used it because I liked it. For those who are curious, the group is Cake and the song is Comfort Eagle.

On a more serious note, I've been keeping an ear out for the news on the financial markets this morning. 

I'm not going to profess to have a grasp on the topic of economics, and when trying to makes sense of news of Wall Street troubles like this I look for simple explanations. This morning I found a wonderful interview that explains how Bush's brilliant vision of the "Ownership Society" led to what we're seeing today.

After seeing Naomi Klein interviewed, I'm interested in reading her book The Shock Doctrine: The Rise of Disaster Capitalism. Like Chalmer Johnson's Blowback, it's the kind of book that people need to read in order to balance all the GOP crap we're told about the supposed superiority of doing things the Right Way, both here and abroad.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Exposing McCain's Vagina

Sarah Palin at 26 weeks pregnant? Is it true? Inquiring minds should want to know.

I admit it. The header on this post is tacky. But given that McCain is refusing to go anywhere without his new Vagina, Sarah Palin, I don't see why I can't continue the theme here. I mean, really. If he can flash his Vagina at every campaign stop, is it really so wrong for bloggers to take a poke at it?

McCain is clearly trying to capitalize on the Vagina Mania that has resulted from the Palin Pick. He is flaunting his Vagina everywhere, and acts all indignant when someone rubs it the wrong way. This is a departure from the standard thinking of the Conservative Male, who has always implied that anyone showing off their Vagina is just asking for it.

The GOP can't expect to have it both ways. On one hand, they are telling us what a tough cookie Sarah Palin is, even as they try to shield her with the other. The security around McCain's Vagina is tighter than a chastity belt. 

She's hardly allowed out alone, and the media deserves a rap on the knuckles for being afraid to look mean by asking the hard questions about what little they know. Take for instance this whole business of Sarah Palin's five month old baby. When it was implied that the child might actually be her daughter Bristol's, the cry of outrage was deafening. 

"Of course that baby came out of McCain's Vagina!" they insisted.

After all, how dare anyone suggest that a fundamentalist Christian, anti-abortion, abstinence-advocating,  Republican politician would attempt to pass off her daughter's pregnancy as her own to save political face.

How dare they suggest that said politician's visual absence of a pregnancy until the surprise last minute announcement, combined with said daughter's eight-month absence from school be anything more than a coincidence! 

How dare anyone be so cynical as to doubt that a politician hungering for the second highest post in the land would cover something like that up! 

God forbid someone actually examine the whole situation in detail! To do so would be to risk being called a sexist. Or worse, mean!

It would take a brave person indeed to examine these allegations.  Unfortunately, you won't find anyone like that in the media, which is handling McCain's Vagina with a kid glove, as opposed to the standard latex. 

But today someone sent me a link to a Web site that has finally done what the media is failing to do - take a good hard look at the possibility that Sarah Palin may not be Trig's mother, but his grandmother.

The Web site is www.palindeception.com and I insist that you visit it, because you'll find analysis and questions regarding this situation that you won't find anywhere else. The authors are not crackpots; they are a husband and wife team who have some knowledge to back up their suspicions. The woman is a mother and lactation counselor, her husband a physician. Both allow for the fact that Palin may be telling the truth, while examining facts that look very sketchy when you take them as a whole.

To those of you who think my posting this is just awful, awful, awful let me just ask you to consider this: PalinDeception.com raises some very good questions that need to be addressed. If Sarah Palin lied about giving birth to Trig, it is no small thing. It is huge. Because a person who would implement this kind of cover-up - a person this willing to sacrifice principle for power -  is capable of doing anything to keep that power.

And we know what we call that kind of person, don't we? 

That's right. We call them Karl Rove.

Think about it. Study up. And don't be afraid to question, even if the media is.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

McCain's Vagina

here are millions of Vaginas in the United States. John McCain only needed one. He could have had almost any Vagina he wanted. But he chose first-term Alaskan governor Sarah Palin’s.

Having a Vagina was apparently the only qualification needed for the position of Vagina Person - V.P. for short. With his choice, McCain demonstrated that as far as he’s concerned one Vagina is as good as the next. After all, in the Sacred Sisterhood of Vaginas, things like experience, policy positions and basic knowledge of foreign policy don’t matter. We can’t bother our pretty little heads with those things, not with all those cookies to bake.

We just need to know one thing: Do you, my dear, have a Vagina? You do? Well then, you automatically have our vote.


Hey McCain, I’ve got a little something to tell you. You called this one so wrong, because the Sisterhood does care about whether a candidate is qualified and most of us would rather have a Qualified Dick in office than an Unqualified Vagina. If it was a matter of being appeased by seeing you take the stage with someone wearing a skirt, a lot of us would have been happier if you’d shown up with Lieberman in drag. Some of us might have even considered voting for you if you'd shown that kind of bravery, rather than the tuck-tail pandering you've exhibited with this choice.

Because Palin? WTF?

I listened to her present her Vagina Monologue tonight at the GOP convention. She said all the right things to appease the base, to be sure. God, guns, God, military, God, offshore drilling, God, values, God tax breaks, God…God knows she excited the crowd, especially the Conservative Republican Vaginas. And I’m thinking she deserves some credit for that, if nothing else, because it probably takes a lot to excite a Conservative Republican Vagina.

McCain's Vagina Person Nominee didn’t say much about her experience, although she did highlight her term as a small town mayor. That’s cool. By her criteria the mayor of my town is qualified to be McCain’s running mate. We’d have to stuff him in a suit, of course, make him shave and take away his chewing tobacco. But once that was done he’d make a great addition to the ticket.

Wait...No he wouldn’t. He doesn’t have a Vagina. But Palin does, so despite the fact that she has zero experience in anything beyond running a state where moose outnumber people, that Vagina apparently makes her qualified to be one metastasized melanoma away from the Oval Office.

And that’s supposed to make all the other Vaginas happy enough to vote for McCain. Maybe to lock in the Vag Vote he’ll go even further and promise that when his swollen left gland explodes and Palin’s left in charge she can call her base of operations the Ovary Office.

And the world will be lovely then. With Palin at the helm we can finally take away that pesky right to choose so that Vaginas everywhere can start popping out babies, whether they want them or not. It doesn’t matter that the economy will still favor the rich. Conservative Vaginas - and Dicks - love the idea of babies - up until some of those little Gifts From God start needing money for things like food and health care.

If the babies do survive, their reward will be to go to school and learn all about how Jesus created the whole world in seven days and miracled humanity into existence, gloriously forming the first Vagina out of the rib of her master, Man. And because Palin favors teaching teenagers gun safety but is against sex-ed, they'll be taught how to handle the urge to hunt while being kept ignorant about how to handle the urge to hump. (Apparently it's mean to mention that her pregnant teen daughter could be a poster child for that philosophy, so I won't.)

Oh, but there’s that whole foreign threat thing. ....We didn't hear much about that tonight, for good reason. Dear God, if Palin is elected and we’re invaded please, please, please let it be by moose, since that’s about the only threat she’s proven herself capable of handling.

Wait..I’m wrong again. That Dick Steve Doocy of Fox News pointed out recently that Russia is next door to Alaska, which automatically means Sarah Palin has foreign policy experience. Seriously. He actually said that.

To which I thought, "It does?"

Come on, Republicans. Even I know better than that, and I’m just a Vagina.


Oh, and I wouldn't want you to forget what a nature lover she is. It seems she has a fondness for God's creatures, especially shooting them from planes:

(Thanks to Laughing Wolf for the heads up on this.)

First lesson at the new barn

Yesterday we got to ride at the new barn for the first time and Alex and I have yet to come down from the high of having all that space. Our instructor's last place was really small, and the arena we used was more confining than we realized. The one we rode in yesterday was big - more of a fenced field than an arena - and we felt like eventers zipping around the place. Even Stormy acted like a new horse; I've never seen that old man so spry.

Alex took her first jump at the canter and I was so proud I almost cried, and was really pleased to see how fearlessly she worked to build on what she learned. Jumping horses for the first time is like riding a roller coaster, only the danger is more real. It's exhilarating, and the risk of what could happen any moment could spoil the fun if the excitement weren't so worth it. I

My lessons are becoming much more involved. Yesterday I learned the importance of counting strides between jumps, and the meaning of "chipping." Duchess was more than willing yesterday; there were no balks or refusals from her at all. Maybe it's because I'm more confident and less hesitant a s well.

Next week Steph, our instructor, says she may have us start to do some bareback exercises and eventually wants us to jump bareback. Ugh, OK. I guess. I've ridden bareback before. But bareback over jumps? Please, please, please don't anyone tell my orthopedist.

Here are a few photos from our day:

Alex decided early into the lesson she'd rather ride in the saddle I was using so we switched, which was fine. I liked the jumping saddle better anyway.

The barn is really awesome - large with four stalls, a wide aisle and a tack area. Here we are untacking our ponies, and looking forward to next time!

Monday, September 01, 2008

Shots from the Bow

For a non-traditional person, I'm pretty traditional where summer vacation is concerned. Since we homeschool, we decide when the new school year begins, and for us that is the day after Labor Day.

It's a good time to say good-bye to summer, which is in the process of saying good-bye to us. It's at this time of year that I always notice the subtle little signs that the seasons are changing - the difference in the afternoon light, the drawn-out mournful tone of the crickets' song, the appearance of cabbage butterflies and native morning glories. This year the temperatures are even corresponding with the changes, which is unusual. Coastal North Carolina seems to hold heat, and the dog days often drag into October. Tonight, though, it will drop down into the fifties here, which is almost an earlier cool snap than we're used to. 

But I like it.

We always make a big deal out of the final official weekend of summer, and this year was no different. On Sunday we went with my friend April to Raleigh for the Carolina Reptile Show. Larry and the kids picked up frogs - a red-eyed tree frog, some dumpies and a horned frog, as well as a Blue Tongue Skink and some really spastic water dragons. Afterwards, April and I escaped to an independent bookstore she's been dying for me to visit. I found an awesome book on frogs and toads of North Carolina, complete with a CD of their calls. Lucas and I listened to it three times after we got home and I think he would have listened to it more if I'd not told him it was time for bed.

Today Larry and the kids spent the morning setting up the new pets. The door opened and closed dozens of times as Larry came through carrying large aquariums while the kids followed with lids, bowls and any other essentials their new frogs and lizards might need. I was excused from helping due to a writing project which I later abandoned for the canoe trip.

We put in on Shelter Creek near a popular fish camp where I used to work before I was able to support myself as a writer. It was late afternoon, and the snakes and turtles we'd hoped to see and photograph were long past sunning. So I focused on light instead. I took the above shot of the bridge over Shaw Highway about an hour before sunset.

And this shot I took of a riverfront Hobbit House. The kids called out to the hobbits, but no one answered. Apparently they weren't home.

We couldn't shoot any family shots like I wanted given our lack of a Fifth for the outing, but Larry did shoot this one of me and the kids. So here it is.

After our outing we enjoyed a dinner of cajun catfish at the camp before heading home and I caught up with Steve, the owner, who told Larry and the kids embarrassing stories of the days when I worked for him. I told a few of my own about him on the way home.

So that was my weekend. Simple and good, just the way I like things. I'm sitting in the chair by the open window now, listening to the frogs outside and testing myself to see how many I can remember from the frog call CD. I hear spring peepers, I think, green tree frogs and squirrel frogs, too. And maybe a Southern toad, but I can't be sure.

Tomorrow we'll wake up to a busier schedule as another school year arrives to test our limits and capabilities. If it's anything like the last year, I'll always end it amazed that I learned as much as the kids did. That seems to just happen - a kid will get interested in astronomy and the next thing you know you're learning how to program a telescope to track the stars. Or another will take an interest in frogs and lizards and you end up with a menagerie in the sunroom. Schooling goes from being a chore to being a joint venture. It's just another nice thing about being part of an active family, and I'm looking forward to it.