He knows I write erotica, and has even read some of it. What he hasn't read I've talked about. And in my dubious line of work I sometimes show him other stuff that I consider highly erotic, like some YouTube videos I found awhile back of a British show called Sugar Rush that doesn't play in the states. For those of you unaware of the series, it's about a young lesbian girl coming of age in a highly dysfunctional family. It's pretty graphic, very hot and I'm just heartsick that I can't rent it to watch here.
Larry was cool with the Sugar Rush videos, so of course I was puzzled when he was rifling through my desk the other day and flipped out when he came across some gay erotica. Gay male erotica.
Let me interrupt by saying that no one - and I do mean no one - should rifle through my desk unless they want to be shocked. If you pick up something off my desk and start reading, that's just asking for it. It'd be like waking through a field of land mines and then acting all indignant when your legs get blown off.
But the next thing I know there's Larry, mouth agape as he leafs through some the homoerotic Harry Potter fan-fiction my friend April had given me.
I guess there's no accounting for taste, huh? And I forgave him for not having any, because while I'm no fan of Snape/Harry, Draco/Harry, Dumbledore/Ron or any of the other possible pairings, some of it is really well written. And this was some of the hottest erotica, - gay, straight or sideways - that I'd ever read.
"What is this? Why do you have this?" he asked.
I shrugged. "It's hot," I said.
"No it's not!" he said. "This is sick!"
I snatched it out of his hand. "Well don't look at it, then!" Geesh. That's the advice I give to anyone who objects to porn. You'd think my husband would have sense enough to know that already. But whatever.
OK, so fast forward to today. My friend April is super, super nice to me. Not only does she copy gay porn she thinks I'll like and give it to me as a gift, but she also gives me advice whenever my goats are sick. If there was ever an all-around good and useful friend, it's April.
So when I decided to make my own foray into fan-fiction, she sprang to mind. Like me, she loves Harry Potter. Actually, I think she loves him even more. So I thought, why not do a gay parody video and dedicate it to her?
Here's the premise: Harry Potter enters Hogwarts unaware that the place is just run amuck with gayness. Right away everyone starts hitting on him, from the professors to fellow students like Draco Malfoy. All this is quite confusing to Harry; he wants to fit in, after all. Then Snape comes to his room one night and suggests Harry spy on Neville Longbottom who is not only totally gay but totally comfortable with it. So does Harry leave, or is he inspired by Neville to stay and become the school's next Gay Superstar? You'll have to watch to find out.
Here's the video, and I think it's a damn fine first attempt if I do say so myself. And funny, too. Or maybe that's just me.
I couldn't wait to show Larry when he got home. Of course, he was like, "Did you do anything else today?"
Well, duh. I also wrote some porn. He can be so ridiculous at times. Of course paying porn comes before the parody. Everybody knows that.
He watched the video and frowned. "What's wrong with you?" he asked me, even though he knows I get sick of people asking me that all the time. "What's with you and this gay stuff?"
"You mean like Sugar Rush?" I asked. "You didn't seem to mind Sugar Rush. You thought it was hot."
"That's different," he said. "This is turning the tables."
I pointed out that some people would consider lesbian or gay porn to be turning the tables - on heterosexuality. But it seems that for men, the only acceptable gayness is between two hot chicks.
But no matter, different strokes for different folks, I guess. Maybe there is something wrong with me, but at least I don't discriminate.