AVON, MINNESOTA - In what is being hailed by the non-magickal world as a rare trophy, an overweight Muggle from the world's least magickal place - Minnesota - shot and killed Harry Potter's patronus earlier this week.
The white stag, which Potter had conjured to shield Muggles from political correctness, global warming, Internet addiction, celebrity obsession and a myriad other soul-sucking issues plaguing the non-magickal world - was unfortunate enough to end up in the gun sites of Mary Roakoz, who couldn't wait to alert the media about her accomplishment.
On this video, the unpleasantly plump Roakoz describes how she stalked and killed Harry Potter's protective guardian.
"I had to creep a little bit, probably about 40 yards to get to a good place where I could steady myself," she said, neglecting to mention that she has yet to fill in the 40-yard, eighteen-inch deep trench her slug-like body left in the ground.
Roakoz, when informed that the deer she killed was actually a Patronus, seemed unfazed. "I hope next time he'll conjure up a twinkie!" she said of the distraught Potter.
The fat white hunter plans to donate the creature to Cabela's where it will be stuffed an mounted next to the Hippogriff she shot last year.
And they wonder why we don't give them wands....
© 2007 The Token Hippie