Tuesday, November 06, 2007

News Flash!

Fat-Ass Muggle Bitch
Kills Harry Potter Patronus


AVON, MINNESOTA - In what is being hailed by the non-magickal world as a rare trophy, an overweight Muggle from the world's least magickal place - Minnesota - shot and killed Harry Potter's patronus earlier this week.

The white stag, which Potter had conjured to shield Muggles from political correctness, global warming, Internet addiction, celebrity obsession and a myriad other soul-sucking issues plaguing the non-magickal world - was unfortunate enough to end up in the gun sites of Mary Roakoz, who couldn't wait to alert the media about her accomplishment.

On this video, the unpleasantly plump Roakoz describes how she stalked and killed Harry Potter's protective guardian.


"I had to creep a little bit, probably about 40 yards to get to a good place where I could steady myself," she said, neglecting to mention that she has yet to fill in the 40-yard, eighteen-inch deep trench her slug-like body left in the ground.

Roakoz, when informed that the deer she killed was actually a Patronus, seemed unfazed. "I hope next time he'll conjure up a twinkie!" she said of the distraught Potter.

The fat white hunter plans to donate the creature to Cabela's where it will be stuffed an mounted next to the Hippogriff she shot last year.

And they wonder why we don't give them wands....

© 2007 The Token Hippie

11 comments:

laughingwolf said...

that fat phuck needs to be slow roasted, alive... then left to be fed on by wild pigs! grrrrrrrrrrr

Morgan said...

I'd hit her with the Cruciatus curse, but I left my wand and Dan's after the Halloween party.

Seriously, I have to wonder about the mentality of anyone who would shoot and kill something that - if seen alive - would bring so much joy to so many people. That woman is selfish, and I hope the karma she reaps for what she's done comes sooner than later. As she has taken, let her lose.

Roland said...

I live in Minnesota.
I would have thought Potter's patronus would have been a bit tougher to kill than that.
When did all white deer become patronus'? Especially Potter's?

Funny post, Morg.

A friend of mine hit an owl while driving down the road a few years back. Otherwise Harry would have gotten the message about the imminent attack.

Roland said...

You know what.
Before you going nuts on me, just realize I think hunting for trophies is silly.
If that is what you are upset about, rant away.

Morgan said...

I won't go nuts on you, Roland. In fact, your comment about the owl made me laugh.
I don't have a problem with hunters either. We're surrounded by them and if weren't for their planting food for and culling the deer population here we'd have a worse problem than we already do. Larry hit one on the way home last night, in fact.
This year they're giving hunters unlimited take on does, which is a good move. The numbers need to be cut for the sake of the deer. Personally, I'd like to see wolves released into the area to restore the natural balance and a limit to the number of bears that can be taken, but I kind of doubt that would happen.
My problem with the woman in the story is that she killed something unique that should have been spared for its sheer shock value, if nothing else. Perhaps that's a hypocritical stance, basing its worth on its value to people, but s be it.
Like I said, I hope she pays for what she did, cosmically speaking.
Per the Patronus thing, that was just tongue and cheek. You know that. :-)

laughingwolf said...

no doubt the cosmic forces will mete out just desserts on that smug shithead!

EBEZP said...

What goes around comes around Morgan she sure as hell will get her just rewards!!

If all things are equal she will meet a nasty end....when she does no one will blog about her....hee hee!!

Roland said...

"I'd like to see wolves released into the area to restore the natural balance"

It would keep the politicians away...

Morgan said...

Bonus.

Ice said...

LOL@FAT-ASS MUGGLE BITCH!

I don't know what that means, but cracks me the hell up!

Morgan said...

Muggle is a non-magickal person.

Fat-ass is someone who should be on the stair master instead of hunting a deer in an uneven match because she weighs more than it does.

The Potter books will explain it all. Sort of.